I recently had a lengthy conversation about mental health and resilience within the military community. This is a term I encountered a lot over the course of a 20-year active-duty career. What is meant when the term “resilient” is used? According to Merriam-Webster dictionary resilient means a: capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture. B: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Let me put it in simpler terms, your ability to get over it. If you listen to “leadership” in the military talk, they tell you about the mental health programs they have for the service members. These “leaders” highlight the mental health programs as if it’s some great thing that all members can use to maintain a healthy mental state of mind. I’m here to tell you what you hear about these programs are a load of crap!
I want to take the time to be straight with you from my personal experience. When my son was diagnosed with autism I wasn’t met with any sympathy. The next day my supervisor cursed me out in front of 20 plus teenagers who were in the delayed enlistment program. He told me to get over it. Three hours after my second son was born another supervisor called my wife’s hospital room to push me for production. When my wife was going through chemotherapy battling breast cancer my “leadership” sent me to non-commissioned Officer Academy. They said the school would make me E-7… that never happened. After a car accident that happened on base, in base housing… a maintenance employee driving a Macdill AFB housing maintenance vehicle rear-ended me going 50 miles per hour in a 15 mile per hour zone. I was at the school bus stop. My son was crossing Infront of my vehicle going to his school bus. The school bus had the flashers on, and the stop sign deployed when this person hit me. He hit me so hard I ran my son over with my Durango. My son went up over my car. The good thing is my son is okay. The bad news was, I had facial surgery, back surgery, neck procedures and the man drove off! It was a hit and run. What made it worse was Macdill AFB did their best to cover the accident up. They refused to give the police report to me or my attorney for months. My “leadership” was located on the east coast of Florida. I didn’t receive a phone call from anyone at Macdill AFB to check on my son or me. I didn’t receive a call from anyone in my leadership for six months. When I did receive the phone call it wasn’t to check on my son or me, it was a phone call for the leave paperwork they needed. Mind you, this leave paperwork was turn in to my Commander and he failed to do anything with it. I was told I was AWOL. When I finally secured a meeting with the Commander and first sergeant, I was told to go see mental health. Mental health opened every session they had with me with what I perceived as a threat. I was told if I said anything about hurting myself or another person, they had to report it up their chain of command.
Why do I put all of this in writing? Its because the mental health of our military members is important, but the people who make the decisions create a culture of career suicide when a member goes to get help. Instead of really caring about the members and their families the “leadership” would rather tell you it’s all good because of these great programs, then punish the people who use them. How did I make it through the mentally tasking personal matters? I made it because I have an amazing wife who has been my rock. I leaned on my faith in Jesus many times. I prayed without ceasing. I looked at my kids who needed their father more than their father needed to die. Last I made the choice to live because other people would need to know they can make it too. As far as resiliency, its not easy to be resilient when you work with people who don’t pull their weight, or a President and Congress who cuts the budget and shrinks the force. Do you know what happens when the politicians start their budget cuts and force drawdowns? You get to hear the phrase “we got to do more with less” and the ever popular “ we’re gonna need to be more resilient”. That’s what the military leadership really means when they spew out the term “resilient”, it’s “do more with less” and get ready to work more hours because we have less people.
I don’t want you to think I’m complaining about my career. I had a great career. I met some amazing people over twenty years of active-duty service. What I’m saying is don’t buy resiliency hog wash. The military uses its personnel up and spits them out. The “leadership” are out for themselves and setting them up for their next job as a civilian. The experience I had as an active-duty military member gave me the insight I needed to understand our nations homeless veteran problem. My experience gave me the wisdom I needed to understand the suicide problem our veterans have, the dependency problems, and the PTSD many of our veterans live with. My experience as an active-duty member of twenty years has made me strong in my faith in Jesus Christ (my LORD and Savior), my family, and as a friend. My experience made me loyal to those I can trust and gave me lifelong friends. My experience taught me that we must do more for our veterans, we must be better, and we must care. Hug a veteran and let them know you care. You may be the only person they’ve heard this from, and it may save their life. Crisis hotlines are great and all, but the crisis hotline people are hearing from these people when they’re at their lowest and it may be too late.
OJ Toller
Founder Damaged Monster LLC
USAF, Retired